Does Anyone Blog Anymore?

Back in 2006 I started my first blog- a knitting based blog that chronicled my adventures in knitting.  However, it was poorly timed as I also simultaneously started midwifery school at the same time so it quickly went on the back burner.  The Bourgeois Mom is my fourth blog, and one that I have found the least amount of time for.  It certainly isn't for the lack interest in writing- because I seriously still have dreams of being a featured writer someday.  Ok, maybe not really because I have come to realize that at this point there just isn't enough time in the day to accomplish that.

I have written a few short pieces of varying topics.  I shared my postpartum experience on Postpartum Confessions, for better or worse.  I felt very brave writing that piece, but some days I wonder why I felt the need to (over)share.

The other piece was business related.  It was for the Craft Industry Alliance, and I hope to find another interesting topic to write about in the future.

To keep other creative avenues open, I have become a performer for the Boston Mortified stage show.  It is exhilaratingly fun to get up in front of a live audience, with a light shining on you, reading things you wrote when you were a teenager.  In just a few short months I turn forty, and there is something cathartic in being able to read this stuff out loud with people listening.  I have many emotions about the whole process and experience- as at this point in my life I have come to believe that I am having a mid-life crisis of sorts.  Nothing bad, but more of an "Oh, shit!" I am more than likely done with half of my life and I have so many more things I want to do!  There are so many options that I am not even fully aware of all the things I want to experience and do and accomplish.

On stage at the Oberon in Cambridge, MA, February 2016

There is regret, too.  I regret that I took my body and my health for granted.  If I could go back and shake my skinny self hard into the realization that my pompous attitude that I got "lucky" being thin and beautiful would never go away was complete fallacy, I would.  Because now I am a middle aged fat lady who has health issues (some related to the weight, some not but aggravated by such) with a five year old little spit fire who is active and wants me to keep up with her but I barely can because of that former attitude. I didn't take care of myself. I took it all for granted.  I thought what I felt at 17, 20, or even 25 was going to last.  I am mad at myself for that.

Junior year, 1992-1993

Ironically, I like myself way more now, though, as the woman I have become.  I am proud of my accomplishments.  I am so happy to be able to have the luxury to pursue my crafty business.  My day to day life is good, and while I would love to fix a few things the direction is good.

Believe it or not, this is a better pic of me than most these days.

Yet the day to day is so time consuming- which gets me back to my original point- are blogs even a thing anymore?  It seems micro-blogging has replaced the daily blog read for most.  Instagram and Tumblr are the platforms that are visual and brief.  A long drawn out blog just seems past it's prime.  I keep this one because on occasions like tonight I get a random few minutes I can bang out a few thoughts and nobody really reads it.

Currier Museum, Manchester, NH, February 2016

Our Summer 2015

11x14 Collage Poster

We've been busy! I had fun putting together this collage of Vera's summer. For school the kids were asked to bring a picture of something fun they did over the summer. We couldn't narrow it down to one thing- so I made this. I know, it's a little over the top Pinterest-y but we did a lot of fun stuff.

What did you do this summer?

Why I Left Facebook, and other social media thoughts

I am not complaining- not one bit.  But life is busy.  Really busy.  The day to day of being a WAHM with an almost 4 year old, and a rapidly growing and thriving business makes time just whiz on by.  The only reason I have a few minutes here is because I am patiently  waiting for my husband to get done his project to come help me unroll and cut fabric.

One thing that I did in the last month was leave Facebook.  My business page is still up, but my personal page has been deleted.  I thought about it for some time before doing it.  I was posting less and less, and the things I was posting was not getting much interaction.  Other's posts were either politically or racially polarizing, and what was the final straw was learning of my cousin's death via Facebook.  I knew she was sick, she had been for years, but the experience was entirely impersonal reading FB updates.  And I realized that had there hadn't been FB, I would never have known.  Perhaps cutting those final ties were for the best.  I decided those that wanted to keep in touch have plenty of other means to do so (for crying out loud, I feel like all my info is all over the internet.  It isn't difficult to hunt me down).

The one thing that was a bit jarring at first was how it changed the relationship with my phone.  Suddenly I had some free time.  I wasn't feeling like I had to check my phone all the time.  Granted, I moved on to Instagram, but IG is so different.  Instagram is fun!  It's like mini blogging with pics.  As far as using it for business- it's like a behind the scenes of what goes on- what the day to day is like for a small handcrafted business owned by a mom.  I've connected to other WAHMs, crafters, lovers of the small business movement, and the ever popular cat accounts.  Because the internet was started for cat videos and pics, after all!

I've been hearing that the golden age of blogs is over.  I think that in many ways this is true.  There are newer platforms for sharing thoughts and ideas.  What do you think?  Are you blogging less?  Using different social media platforms these days?

Where Does The Time Go?

Time, as you get older, goes by so quickly.  You blink and a month goes by.  Age certainly gives a different perspective to time.  I can vividly remember school years dragging by as a kid.  Now, a week feels like half a day.

And so, here is why it's been difficult to get to the blog.  With Vera keeping me more busy than ever, and Bourgeois Baby growing faster than I imagined it would by this point (not complaining by any means!!) I get very little down time.  My work hours are whenever Vera is in bed (typically by 7:30pm) til many nights 11pm.  It is not enough time to keep up the pace.  I do have a sitter who comes 2-3 days a week for a few hours, and Vera has been in camp for a few weeks this summer to give me more time.  And yet- there still isn't enough.  The only reason why I am writing tonight is because my car is packed up with Bourgeois Baby gear for the Boston MommyCon event.  I figured I'd tinker since tomorrow is going to be a long day, and I could get to bed early.

On that note, I bid you goodnight.

Catching Up

Ha ha. Not really.

While I await some business files to come through, I figured I'd punch out a post.  My first thought was to write a post about something that has been swirling in my head for some time- something I've come to of late call "The Mom Conspiracy"- but that would be so long and involved I can't get into it now.  But I will write that post sometime, just not sure when.

Instead, I'm thinking of all the projects I want to get to, but I have come to not be able to sew or knit for myself or Vera or anyone else for that matter.  In other words, all my crafting these days are strictly business related.  This is by no means a complaint- it's great to be busy and getting ready for some large expos and sales campaigns for Bourgeois Baby.  But I do miss doing something just for fun.

For myself, I bought a couple of patterns for winter wear.  Hopefully I will get to them before next winter.  The first is the pattern by See & Sew B5909 in view B.  Someone in a facebook sewing group I am in posted her pics of her finished product and it was just so lovely!  It looks like a super easy pattern to whip out in an afternoon, but I have not found a fabric that I like for it.  The suggestions are a fleece, boiled wool, or berber fleece.  I haven't found one that I like.  Wool would look nice but I am afraid it will make my neck itch.

The other pattern I have waiting is Simplicity 3568 in view C.  I have a lightweight sweater knit fabric with a Nordic pattern with reindeer, snowflakes, etc.  I like the cowl neck line, and the fabric I found on major markdown is very funky.

I also have an apron cut out waiting to be finished.  The fabric is a lovely orange with blue fabrics.  It's vaguely vintage looking.

I've also been working on tutu construction.  There are so many tutorials out there, and so many ways to construct one and I have not found the way I like best.  This started with getting ready for the Bourgeois Baby Photo Shoot, in which I made 4 tutus in less than 24 hours.  Now that I have some time I am playing around with it, I am trying to perfect the best way for me.

And here is a shameless pic of me at my fabulously new sewing machine.  It's so awesome.  And has so many features I've barely touched an quarter of what it can do.



Weeee!!!! Wielding so much sewing power!

Well, Efff Me Today. And *Thank You.

I'm not even sure that I have a theme for topic for this post other than I am just typing to vent.  Today was a shitty day, and although many of my days are frustrating (hello, 2 year old!), most of them do not leave me wanting to cry.

Today I had plans to teach a knitting class.  I've taught others to knit before, and as a little side money I decided to teach a few Saturdays before the holidays.  It would be some extra cash for Christmas presents for Vera as I prefer not to use our credit cards.  So I was very excited that 6 people signed up!  Wahoo!

My class design is meant for the ultimate beginner.  I even provide the supplies.  Prior to the class I purchased the supplies for 6 people (with the thought that maybe 1 or 2 might no show, but I could just return the stuff), then went to the classroom to set up.

Start time begins, and no one is there.  Ok, fine, people these days tend to find it acceptable to be a few minutes late (I don't, but I have noticed this trend).

 Fifteen minutes go by. Still, not a soul.  Now I know that even if someone shows up that it will be an abbreviated class because my parents are watching Vera and they both showed up very cranky for different reasons.  It was made pretty clear that having to take several hours out of their afternoon was bothersome.  I felt pressured to make sure I got home quickly.

So about 30 minutes has passed and I admit defeat.  I pack everything up and head out to return all the supplies.  Which, mind you, takes an entire 30 minutes in itself because the computer system at the store was not recognizing a few items and therefore not giving the proper return amount.

WTF.

I walked out really wanting to cry.  Really. This isn't a feeling that I feel often, I'm not a big crier at all, actually, but this really was like a punch to the gut.  Perhaps I was being sensitive to this massive no-show to my class as in the last few weeks I've also been feeling worn out in my ability to mother an independent toddler who listens to no one and finds it hilarious to give her mother the hardest time about everything.

Actually, there are days I feel abused by my own child.  I hate to say that, as it seems so dramatic, but I'm drained and defeated and not sure what the right move is in parenting a little girl who has such a strong personality. 

And then, after dinner Vera asked to have her milk time.  This is a bedtime routine we have- something that we never broke from infancy basically because I didn't want to.  We sit together in a special rocking chair and read books together as she drinks some milk.  We cuddle and now that the weather is cool we snuggle under a blanket together.  It's a wonderful time, maybe more so for me because it is the one time of day she is fairly calm, quiet, and seemingly appreciative of the love I give her. 

Tonight, we start this early.  But she requested, and how can I say no to this?  Once her milk is poured, she immediately starts yelling at me to pick her up, although for reasons I can't quite remember outside of having had things to put away, etc, and I don't pick her up right away.  She nearly has a fit, flopping herself on the floor over me not picking her up RIGHT THEN.  This is coming from the same girl who not long before came up to my supper plate and tossed all my food off onto the floor and continued to smoosh all the food as quickly as she could when I was attempting to correct her.  This is the same girl who, when sternly told NO to something while I was cooking, hit me.  And the same girl who came and ripped a magazine out of my hands and proceeded to rip out the pages not long before that.

But I don't pick her up right away.  I do the things I need to do.  It take 20 seconds, if that.  She is still yelling, "Nooooo!" until the second I say, "Okay, now you can come up to Mom".  And Vera comes up into my lap, and faces me.  She rests her head down, places her arm around me.  She hugs me.  We stayed that for a few minutes.  Both of us instantly calm and we cuddle.  It was the bright spot of my day.  She finished her milk and asks to brush her teeth and go "na-nights".

Of course, getting her into pajamas was another shit show, but I guess I can't expect miracles.

And as far as the 6 students who no showed me, you can shove it.  That is the nicest way I can put it to a bunch of people who feel their time is more important than mine.

*Sarcasm.

I Am a Selfish, Money-Sucking NICU Mom. A Reply to the commenters of Radiolab's 23 weeks, 6 days.

Listen to this podcast:


Wow. Wow.

  I was in the car when I first caught this. I listen to Radiolab fairly often, but because I was out and about while this was airing, I had to go back and listen to what I missed. A very moving story. And then I went and read the comments to this podcast, and well...I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the vitriol. The politicization of prematurity.  The insertion of the abortion debate (WTF??).  The viewpoint of selfishness on the part of the parents.

You know what I say to that? You. Have. No. Fucking. Clue.

Yes, premature birth and subsequent NICU care is expensive. The ongoing care beyond the NICU can also be quite expensive, especially for the infants who have disability due to their prematurity. But I venture to guess it probably is no more expensive than an adult with chronic illness like diabetes- or even worse- a progressive neurological disease that will ultimately kill you like ALS or Parkinson's. I've never come across an argument that we should not care for those adults because of the cost. It would seem inhumane, frankly, to say that those people should just be left "out of the system" to fend for themselves and their disability.

Many premature infants are not expected to be premature. About 50% of premature births are of unknown reasons. Vera's birth falls into that category. My water broke, I went into labor, she was born hours later at 31 weeks. There was nothing I did because I was selfish that led to this. There was nothing I could do to prevent it, at least at this point in medical history.

As far as criticizing the parents in the podcast of what they did for their baby and how they read the baby's responses...well, go look above. 

When you have an infant in the NICU, you  are helpless.  All of the things you would normally be doing if you were a new parent of a full term infant is not happening for you.  And so you adapt by doing what you can- which is cuddling (kangaroo care), pumping your milk, and providing whatever comfort you can.  Because of the premature neurological system these babies have, continuous holding, talking, and doing what you would normally do for a full term infant are not "allowed" because it can actually cause them stress.

So- what I did frequently when I was allowed to hold or touch Vera was either tuck her into my cleavage but unable to pat or stroke or rub her as your instinct as a comforting mom would typically do, or I would stand leaning against her heat and humidity controlled incubator with my hands through the port holes while placing one hand firmly on her head and the other cupping her butt.  Applying gentle pressure.  Because that was all her body could handle.  I also spent more time "cuddling" up with a hospital grade breast pump.  Again, because many times that was all I could do to be a useful mom.  Reading or singing quietly was often done in the NICU by parents.  I never did, as I just talked to her about day to day stuff.

And even though we couldn't do all the things we wished for in a normal newborn, Vera did respond to us as her parents.  When Mark did Kangaroo care with her, her heart rate slowed.  When she kangaroo'ed with me, she never had dips in her oxygen levels.  When we talked and she was awake, she would follow the voice and look up at us.  She didn't do this with the nurses or even other family.

I would have done anything I could have to prevented this so she would not have suffered (and yes, I do think she suffered as she did endure painful procedures and care to keep her alive). As far as selfish- I think the notion of wanting to be a parent is the furthest from being selfish.  Being a parent, no matter when the child is born or how conceived is not a selfish job.  There is NOTHING selfish in what I do everyday as a mom.  If calling wanting to put a person in this world that will be raised surround by love and kindness in their family, and allowing them to become an independent, intelligent, creative, kind human being is selfish...well then, sure.  I was selfish.

Before Vera's birth, I knew the NICU was not an easy place.  As a nurse, I had cared for many NICU parents of varying gestational ages.  I knew that they were on a rough road.  I knew that the care their infant(s) were receiving was expensive.  I knew that they may be facing a long, tough path of disability for as long as they all lived.  I also realized that there is a wide gray line between viability and non-viability, which medical science keeps pushing.  In hindsight, I can say that my thoughts on it were just matter of fact, not any true empathy because I just didn't truly get it.  Becoming a mom has really taught me that you just don't know what it is like to walk in anyone else's shoes unless you've experienced it yourself firsthand.

May all those who feel preemies, especially those near that gray line, are left to suffer because their parents are selfish and a financial drain on the system NEVER have to experience a NICU first hand.  I don't think they would be able to walk in with their generalizations worn proudly on their sleeves if they were staring down at their fragile newborn.

So go ahead and call me a selfish, money-sucking NICU mom.  It was worth it.  And should some of my health care expenses go up because there are preemies out there that need medical care, then so be it.  Even disabled, those children have something to contribute.

NICU Nurses: Don't Say This

When Vera was born, many of her nurses were "old timers".  They had been in neonatal care since it's inception.  They watched viability age decrease over the years.  They worked shift by shift where technology kept growing and helping premature and very sick infants survive at greater rates.  That must be an awesome thing to reflect upon in a career.

But, please, NICU nurses, please don't tell a mom of a new preemie baby that when you started your career that her baby would not have survived when you started in the field.  Don't say, "We would just provide comfort measures for a baby of this gestation age."  Don't reflect that it was awful watching a 31 weeker back in the day struggle with breathing in his or her few hours of life, or if they managed to survive the respiratory distress syndrome how disabled they'd be.

None of that is helpful to the mom who is looking at her 31 week newborn, hooked up to CPAP to survive, swollen, jaundiced, and getting poked with multiple needles and heel sticks.  She doesn't know how her own infant will do, what long standing effects they will be faced with, or whether her infant will come out healthy and unscathed from such a traumatic event.  To know that her infant would have been left to die in another time of your career is fucking awful.

Let me repeat: It's fucking awful.

Because when it was said to me, I stewed over this for days, with the worst kind of scenario going on in my head, visualizing my little baby struggle for breath and dying.  Because what I was seeing in the present was an infant struggling to breathe despite having all the high tech help possible.  How could it possibly be any worse?  Those words just make it seem that whatever I might be feeling now, it is not worthy of my present day fear.  Because, you know, it could be worse.  And really, I couldn't handle worse.

And, if you want to know how much these sorts of things could effect the mom of a premature infant?  Vera is now a healthy, thriving 2 year old.  I'm still bothered by those words.

Nap Genius

Vera had been absolutely terrible about taking naps recently despite being exhausted.  And when she wouldn't nap, I suddenly had a terror on my hands by 4PM that was full on whining, the word NO, hitting, throwing herself on the floor....you know what I mean.

Perhaps she is coming to the end of napping?  But...no....no....noooo!!! That can't be! She's too young to give up naps!  She is clearly tired!!!  And, I need that time for my sanity and work.

Talking to Kirsten about this, whose been there and done that not that long ago, suggested putting Vera to bed for her nap earlier.  Totally against what my instinct was, which included putting her to bed later in hopes being more tired would do the trick. 

So, I can announce that Kirsten is definitely a toddler nap genius.  Putting Vera to bed at least 30 minutes early has been the answer!  I put her in her "nap suit", put her in her crib, offer to tuck her in.  She turns to me and has said, "Bye, Mama!"  Smiling.  Happily.  No fighting or hitting me.  I once peaked at the door to see what she does when she thinks I have left, and she laid right down and covered herself over with her blanket.

Wow.  I have had so much time today to get work done, that I was able to take a break and write this post.  So, Kirsten, you are a genius!

A Personal Struggle

I've been struggling a little with a few things about my past career, and those of you who have come by via my previous life's blog and wonder what about....don't worry.  I'm sure it will all be like verbal/blog/post diarrhea all over the place here. 

I just need time to be ready to discuss all the points and collect my thoughts.  It's not a simple reason or even one reason needing elaboration.  It's going to be a multitude of things that just culminated into one giant clusterfuck.

What ended up terminating my career (originally on a temporary basis, so I thought) was the birth of my daughter.  She was born unexpectedly at 31 weeks.  It was probably one of the most traumatic events of my personal life, and spun things into such a downward spiral that I was unable to return to work.  This is such an oversimplification of actual events, but will suffice for now.

Now, over 2 years later, I've gone down a completely unexpected path.  But it is a welcome one, and one that I am glad to have landed on.  I love where I am at today, and the struggles in the last few years has made it possible to appreciate it all that much more.

A Real Review, Mom Bloggers?

My beautiful superhero daughter

I think I must be naïve, because I really thought that the reviews I saw of products on Mom Blogs out there were legit.  Then I tried to gain some reviews from Mom Bloggers around the web, and only 1 actually was willing to review a product without being paid. 

Is it really passé to do a good old fashioned style review?  Or is it now standard that not only does the Mom Blogger doing the review get free product PLUS a monetary "gift" in exchange for the review?  To me, this would appear to skew the review, and I think sponsored posts may help to even that out by at least letting the reader know that the company whose product is being reviewed had paid the reviewer for the post.

Or perhaps I have no idea what I am talking about, in which I would highly appreciate someone filling me in (nicely, please!) on how I have no idea on what I am talking about and what the real deal is.

And on that note, I would LOVE to review mom and toddler related stuff.  I will do it without taking any money, but rather just an honest review for exchange of the product.  And if it's something I really don't like, I would NOT slam it online AT ALL.  Instead, if it's not something that is going to get at least a 3 out 5 star type review, I just won't review it online and send you back the product.  This is just the most honest way I can think of doing this without hurting anyone's feelings and/or reputation.  BUT, on that note, I typically like things. 

What type of things?  I love books of all kinds for me and my daughter, anti-GMO, organic, handcrafted, knit, sewn, Made in the USA, and anything that might make my life easier.

If you are interested in this type of old fashioned type of Mom Blog Reviews, you can contact me at
JAMIE at BOURGEOISBABY dot COM.  Or if you want to just say hi, or whatever.