I Am a Selfish, Money-Sucking NICU Mom. A Reply to the commenters of Radiolab's 23 weeks, 6 days.

Listen to this podcast:


Wow. Wow.

  I was in the car when I first caught this. I listen to Radiolab fairly often, but because I was out and about while this was airing, I had to go back and listen to what I missed. A very moving story. And then I went and read the comments to this podcast, and well...I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the vitriol. The politicization of prematurity.  The insertion of the abortion debate (WTF??).  The viewpoint of selfishness on the part of the parents.

You know what I say to that? You. Have. No. Fucking. Clue.

Yes, premature birth and subsequent NICU care is expensive. The ongoing care beyond the NICU can also be quite expensive, especially for the infants who have disability due to their prematurity. But I venture to guess it probably is no more expensive than an adult with chronic illness like diabetes- or even worse- a progressive neurological disease that will ultimately kill you like ALS or Parkinson's. I've never come across an argument that we should not care for those adults because of the cost. It would seem inhumane, frankly, to say that those people should just be left "out of the system" to fend for themselves and their disability.

Many premature infants are not expected to be premature. About 50% of premature births are of unknown reasons. Vera's birth falls into that category. My water broke, I went into labor, she was born hours later at 31 weeks. There was nothing I did because I was selfish that led to this. There was nothing I could do to prevent it, at least at this point in medical history.

As far as criticizing the parents in the podcast of what they did for their baby and how they read the baby's responses...well, go look above. 

When you have an infant in the NICU, you  are helpless.  All of the things you would normally be doing if you were a new parent of a full term infant is not happening for you.  And so you adapt by doing what you can- which is cuddling (kangaroo care), pumping your milk, and providing whatever comfort you can.  Because of the premature neurological system these babies have, continuous holding, talking, and doing what you would normally do for a full term infant are not "allowed" because it can actually cause them stress.

So- what I did frequently when I was allowed to hold or touch Vera was either tuck her into my cleavage but unable to pat or stroke or rub her as your instinct as a comforting mom would typically do, or I would stand leaning against her heat and humidity controlled incubator with my hands through the port holes while placing one hand firmly on her head and the other cupping her butt.  Applying gentle pressure.  Because that was all her body could handle.  I also spent more time "cuddling" up with a hospital grade breast pump.  Again, because many times that was all I could do to be a useful mom.  Reading or singing quietly was often done in the NICU by parents.  I never did, as I just talked to her about day to day stuff.

And even though we couldn't do all the things we wished for in a normal newborn, Vera did respond to us as her parents.  When Mark did Kangaroo care with her, her heart rate slowed.  When she kangaroo'ed with me, she never had dips in her oxygen levels.  When we talked and she was awake, she would follow the voice and look up at us.  She didn't do this with the nurses or even other family.

I would have done anything I could have to prevented this so she would not have suffered (and yes, I do think she suffered as she did endure painful procedures and care to keep her alive). As far as selfish- I think the notion of wanting to be a parent is the furthest from being selfish.  Being a parent, no matter when the child is born or how conceived is not a selfish job.  There is NOTHING selfish in what I do everyday as a mom.  If calling wanting to put a person in this world that will be raised surround by love and kindness in their family, and allowing them to become an independent, intelligent, creative, kind human being is selfish...well then, sure.  I was selfish.

Before Vera's birth, I knew the NICU was not an easy place.  As a nurse, I had cared for many NICU parents of varying gestational ages.  I knew that they were on a rough road.  I knew that the care their infant(s) were receiving was expensive.  I knew that they may be facing a long, tough path of disability for as long as they all lived.  I also realized that there is a wide gray line between viability and non-viability, which medical science keeps pushing.  In hindsight, I can say that my thoughts on it were just matter of fact, not any true empathy because I just didn't truly get it.  Becoming a mom has really taught me that you just don't know what it is like to walk in anyone else's shoes unless you've experienced it yourself firsthand.

May all those who feel preemies, especially those near that gray line, are left to suffer because their parents are selfish and a financial drain on the system NEVER have to experience a NICU first hand.  I don't think they would be able to walk in with their generalizations worn proudly on their sleeves if they were staring down at their fragile newborn.

So go ahead and call me a selfish, money-sucking NICU mom.  It was worth it.  And should some of my health care expenses go up because there are preemies out there that need medical care, then so be it.  Even disabled, those children have something to contribute.

Repurposed Window Valance

If you have one of those nursery sets, it probably came with one measly window valance.  If your baby's room only has one window, you are all set.  But if not, you either have to purchase another matching valance (if one is even available to purchase separately) or buy an entirely separate set that coordinates with the set.  Or, if you want to be crafty you could make some.

At the time that my daughter's nursery was being put together, I was in no shape to actually make two window valances to match (more on why later).  So I bought some simple valances at Target but hung on to the single valance that came with her set.  And finally, it came to me what to do with it.

I originally posted this repurposed window valance for her nursery on my business blog, but thought it would be suited to post here as well.  To see exactly what I did, click here.

This is the final product, but I'd love to see how you repurposed something for your child's room.

The other thing I did with her nursery set was take the crib quilt and hang it as wall décor.  It is not recommended to use the crib quilt for infants, and now that she is 2 and could use blankets safely she prefers wearable blankets.  So, all off her nursery set got used in some way.

Pin Test: Crayon Art

There are millions of pins on Pinterest on melting crayons onto artist canvas, and this was intriguing.  But, there were a few things that I didn't like about this.  First, I didn't like that people used hair dryers to melt the crayons.  This seemed not only boring to stand there with a hair dryer pointed at crayons, but messy and hot.  Also, there didn't seem to be a way to direct the melting wax. It just basically splattered on the canvas.

Enter my brilliant idea:  Use the hot, humid, sunny weather we are experiencing here in New Hampshire to do the work.  I had several artist canvas left over from the canvas art we recently did, and Vera had recently broke ALL of her crayons into pieces.  My second brilliant thought was that she wouldn't care to use broken crayons, so I'd use these pieces up for my little project, while using this as an excuse to go to my local AC Moore to get a large box of crayons on sale.  As an aside, I learned that 2 year olds don't really care about broken crayons, and as a matter of fact, will go ahead and break all 64 of the new crayons without so much of a hiccup.  I, on the other hand, realized that I am the one who preferred the intact crayons in an array of 64 colors, as I watched in horror with each snap and attempt to save whatever might be left.

Shortly after Vera went down for a nap, I gathered my canvas, my broken crayons, and some tape.  As you can see here, I arranged them in the proper rainbow spectrum (thank you, Wikipedia, for refreshing my rainbow color order) and taped to the canvas.  I set them out on my deck, angled enough to allow the sun to hit it and get the melted crayons to drip down nicely on the canvas.

And I was playing with my macro setting, so here is a closer pic of the above:

 

 

Several hours later, in 90+ degree weather and direct sun, I had this:

 

Doesn't look much different, does it?  Ya, it didn't appear much different to me, except if you strained your eyes enough you might notice that the crayons were sweating.

After consulting with Kirsten, we felt the issue may be that I used washable crayons.  Perhaps there was something different in these crayons that was causing this lack of melting.  But for any of you familiar with the washable Crayola crayons, they are softer than the original crayons, so I made the assumption that they'd melt super quick.

Wrong.  And wrong again on day 2.  Seriously.  I thought maybe they just needed more time in the heat.  Ya, wrong again!  I left the entire thing in my garage, hoping that maybe almost 24 hours in a hot, humid environment would perhaps do the trick.

Day 3 gave me this:

Ok, I wasn't going to mess around with this "simple" project.  My solution?  I was going to smash these suckers to the canvas.  I took a baby spoon and started smooshing these crayons (which were very soft by this point) all over the canvas.

And, finally....I had something that was very salvageable!

I let it "cure" for a few days so that the crayon wax would harden.  Then I had the grand idea that I would add some Mod Podge Sparkle to it.  Nothing like a little bit of glitter, right?

Yes, a little glitter is good....

Let warn you now.... Sparkle Mod Podge does not appear to have a whole lot of sparkle when sitting in the container, or even as you practically pour the stuff on your project.  I mean, a good 1/2 inch of the stuff, when wet, barely twinkles!  So imagine my surprise when I woke the next morning after the Mod Podge application and saw that I practically killed a unicorn with all the glitter thrown on my rainbow.

Need a closer look?

Now the dilemma, what next?  I don't dare chuck this, as I worked for days on this damn thing.  I just don't know what the right thing would be.  I'm afraid.

 



Art By The Little Ones

Recently, Kirsten and I got together with our respective little ones and dared to have a messy art project.  I wanted to do something beyond crayons (although I am learning I have not outgrown my crayon fetish) and as a keepsake for years to come.

And, as my typical Pinterest inspiration, saw many canvas toddler art projects.  This is our version of the activity.

Supplies:
Cheap canvas from AC Moore.
Crayola finger paint (it's washable!!)
Paint brushes
Plastic egg packaging

Optional stuff:
Tape, paper
Ribbon
Fabric glue


So ahead of the play date, I printed out the letters to their names and glued them to the canvas. Notice I don't mention glue in the supplies?  Ya, the reason for that is because even simple Elmer's glue stuck way too well to the canvas.  So I suggest some simple scotch tape.  Several pins floating around on Pinterest use regular painters tape but I didn't think this would give the letters enough character. 

  Here we are painting, or as Vera refers to it: self painting. Also, note the capes.  They also performed painting as a super power.  This was Ollie's idea.

I had to include this picture, because it is one of my favorite pictures of Ollie.  Such a handsome boy.

 The Crayola washable finger paint took several hours to completely dry on the canvas.  Kirsten and I pulled off the glued on paper (here we each clearly had to get creative to save the piece).  Kirsten colored in some bold block letters, and I outlined the letters with a purple Sharpie.  I also added a bow in a matching satin purple so that I could hang it from Vera's bedroom door.

 

This activity didn't turn out as messy as I anticipated, mainly because they both loved doing "real" art - the artist canvas really gives it a grown up feel-

AND it was personalized.

 

This would also make a great birthday party activity if indoors, and a nice take away for the guests.